Weird

Coastal Empire
Security guard shot by two other guards

Two security guards are in jail after they fired seven shots at a third unarmed security guard outside an east Savannah apartment complex, police said. They fired seven shots, striking Herman Riley four times. Police are still investigating if the guards were licensed to carry firearms, but said they had enough evidence to arrest them. Foglia said the suspects' vehicle that pulled behind Herman Riley's truck was unmarked and that neither of the suspect guards were in uniform. Foglia described Herman Riley as a "relatively new" employee.

He was so new that Security Experts hadn't received his background check back yet and were unaware of the 20-plus arrests on his record. Chatham County jail records show Herman Riley has been arrested for charges ranging from aggravated assault and armed robbery to solicitation of sodomy and cocaine possession. Herman Riley Sr., the wounded guard's father, said he didn't have much information on his son, other than that he was born in Berlin, Germany.

Eight vehicles were damaged during the incident, including four that were pierced with bullets, the report says.

(Welcome to Savannah, y'all.)

Couric predicted that the "pretentious era" of the evening-news anchor is going to be a thing of the past.

Couric, who was speaking during a Q&A session with "60 Minutes" correspondent Lesley Stahl, added that she "resents" being asked how difficult it will be to make the transition from the "lightness" of morning news to the more "sober" evening news.

"Anyone who watches 'Today' knows that I've done more hard-hitting interviews than any evening news anchor," she said.

"There's an awful lot of work to do," McManus said. Viewers will see some changes when Couric joins -- including a new set, graphics and music -- but any changes "may not be revolutionary" and the broadcast will "evolve over time."

"Dramatic differences might impress a lot of critics, but they also will alienate the core group of viewers who still watch every night,"

(OK, I give up. Who the hell is this person and what is this news thing at 6 PM she rants of? She's reportedly getting 15 million dollars each year to present 1/2 hour of news 5 nights each week plus a couple of those "hard-hitting" interviews she's famous for. That'll sure be less pretentious I guess. Most people I know making less than 15 million are less pretentious than those who make more. I know one person who watches news at 6 PM. That's my dad and he wouldn't watch a woman deliver it if you set his feet on fire otherwise. It's a matter of gravitas you see, women won't ever have gravitas. I can't imagine anyone with a computer and a fast connection that watches any TV news whatever today. Dad has WebTV and dial up for it. By time the news is delivered as 6 PM it's old, stale, rehashed. At 6:15 if you're reporting an event that happened at 6:10 you may be timely, other than that, it ain't news, it's entertainment. I don't care about new graphics, a flashy new set and I really don't care about her interpetation of the news...her's or anyone elses. I want the facts, I'll make up my own mind from that point, thanks. I have more live news feeds than she does, right here at my fingers. Honest to God, I know she's a personality of some sort, I just don't know why. And I'll promise you this...I'm better informed, more aware, more up-to-date than anyone who turns on the box in their living room for anything other than SpongeBob SquarePants! They call it "The Boob Tube" because that's was it is. Jerry Springer anyone?

What kind of file do you use to make a small hole bigger? A pedophile.

Official Apologizes For Saying Bush Should Be Shot Between Eyes

NEW YORK -- State Comptroller Alan Hevesi publicly apologized Thursday for a "beyond dumb" remark about a fellow Democrat putting "a bullet between the president's eyes."

According to a videotape of the speech, Hevesi said: "The man who, how do I phrase this diplomatically, who will put a bullet between the president's eyes if he could get away with it. The toughest senator, the best representative. A great, great member of the Congress of the United States."

"Comptroller Hevesi was trying to make a point," Heller said. "He went way too far, and it was inappropriate and wrong. He has apologized to both the senator and the president, and we believe that ends the matter."

(Let's try something. Sometime today, you stand up in a public forum and make a similar statement. Leave me a note as to how well that works out for you. That'll be after the Secret Service finishes with you and your family, of course.)

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.

Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say.

Why are men like popcorn? They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because they think men care.

Why are women so bad at mathematics? Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.

What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.

How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Slow.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.

What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? An insurance company.

Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.

Why do men have a hole in their penis? So oxygen can get to their brains.

What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman? A snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? Castrated.

What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men can remember them.

Guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. St. Peter is there at the pearly gates waiting patiently for them. He informs them that as it is Christmas, they each must produce an item that represents the spirit of the season before they can be let in. The first man searches his suit and finds some leaves, apparently from the accident and tells St. Peter, "These leaves represent holly and mistletoe." and he's allowed in. The second man produces a key ring and informs St. Peter, "Shaking these keys represents the sound of bells and the joyous music of the season." and he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of worn thong panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" The third guy replies, "They're Carol's."

Richard Pryor was the funniest comedian ever. Hands down.

Honest Leadership
Open Government

Reid Says He Won't Accept Free Tickets

Reid said he believed it was appropriate to accept the free tickets because the gifts were from his home state and that McCain, R-Ariz., had to reimburse because he was from out of state. Senate ethics rules generally allow senators to take gifts from any state, not just their home state.

But they specifically warn against taking normally permissible gifts if the giver may be trying to influence official action."It was therefore entirely permissible for Senator Reid - a senator from Nevada - to have attended a major Nevada sporting event as a guest of Nevada officials," Manley said.

Several ethics experts disagreed, criticizing Reid's rationale that he felt obligated to take the tickets to ensure boxing was being conducted properly in his home state."He is no more obligated to go to boxing matches than he is to a Celine Dion concert in Vegas," said Melanie Sloan, a former Justice Department prosecutor and head of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington.

Jefferson claims innocence in bribe probe

A Democratic congressman facing a bribery probe after FBI agents found $90,000 in his freezer denied wrongdoing on Monday and said he would not step down from his congressional seat.

FBI investigators raided Jefferson's office over the weekend and disclosed they had videotaped the New Orleans lawmaker accepting $100,000 cash intended as a bribe for a Nigerian official.

The FBI also said in a court affidavit that it found $90,000 of that money hidden in a freezer in his house.Former associates have said Jefferson accepted more than $400,000 in bribes to help them sell telecommunications technology to Nigeria and other West African countries.

Two of those associates, former congressional aide Brett Pfeffer and Kentucky businessman Vernon Jackson, have pleaded guilty to bribery charges and are cooperating in the investigation.

May 31, 2006

Police: Man accidentally shot and killed himself after crash

SALEM, Ore. - Police say a Salem man accidentally shot and killed himself Tuesday morning while he and his family were trying to climb out of a ravine after a car accident.

According to police, 38-year-old Vladimir Gorkavchenko was driving near Detroit early in the morning when he lost control of his minivan.

The car rolled multiple times, before coming to a rest at the bottom of a rocky embankment.

Gorkavchenko, his wife, and their daughter were uninjured in the crash.

Police say Gorkavchenko then removed a rifle from his van to take it with him as the three started climbing out of the ravine.

According to police, Gorkavchenko was using the rifle as a brace as he climbed and apparently slipped, causing the gun to fire a round that hit him in his thumb and his head.

It appears he died as a result of his injuries.

Detectives are continuing to investigate.

(Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

All The News Thats Fit To Print!

Woman's Toes Licked By Man Hiding Under Car...Police in Tulsa, Okla., are searching for a man who hid under a woman's car at a Wal-Mart parking lot and then licked her toes as she loaded groceries into the vehicle, according to a report. The woman said she was at the Tulsa Wal-Mart located near 81st Street and Lewis when she felt her toes being licked.She assumed it was a dog but when she looked down, she saw it was a man lying under her vehicle."I felt something lick my foot," the woman said. "I looked at him and I said, 'What in the hell are you doing?' And that's exactly what I said, 'What are you doing?'"

Police: Couple Offered Hit Man $100 To Kill Grandkids...Two grandparents in Lake County, Fla., were arrested for allegedly offering a hit man $100 to kill their three grandchildren, daughter-in-law and the family's pet dog, according to Local 6 News. After an investigation, authorities said the couple's son, Jason Jackson, 31, concocted the alleged murder-for-hire plan from jail and asked his parents to seal the deal, Bolden said.The 31-year-old is awaiting trial in a sexual molestation case, and his wife and children were scheduled to testify against him. The daughter-in-law, Karen Jackson, was shocked to hear about the plan to kill her, her children and pet dog, according to Local 6 News."I never saw this coming," Jackson said. "I loved (him) with all my heart. (He) was good to me and good to the kids. (He) was a nice guy, everybody's friend.

Police: Man Killed Over Spilled Beer...Detectives said Jamie Addair accidentally spilled beer on the alleged shooter inside the pub, which was at catalyst for the shooting, Local 6 reporter Jessica Sanchez said.

Deputy Fired For Using Squad Car Camera To Tape Bikini-Clad Girls Wants Job Back...An investigation revealed that Munsey used his dashboard-mounted video camera to zoom in on and record bikini-clad girls, including one showering at a public beach.

Iraq veteran sues Moore over 9/11 film

DENISE LAVOIE

Associated Press

BOSTON - A veteran who lost both arms in the war in Iraq is suing filmmaker Michael Moore for $85 million, alleging that Moore used snippets of a television interview without his permission to falsely portray him as anti-war in "Fahrenheit 9/11."

Sgt. Peter Damon, a National Guardsman from Middleborough, is asking for damages because of "loss of reputation, emotional distress, embarrassment, and personal humiliation," according to the lawsuit filed in Suffolk Superior Court last week.

Damon, 33, claims that Moore never asked for his consent to use a clip from an interview Damon did with NBC's "Nightly News."

He lost his arms when a tire on a Black Hawk helicopter exploded while he and another reservist were servicing the aircraft on the ground. Another reservist was killed in the explosion.

In his interview with NBC, Damon was asked about a new painkiller the military was using on wounded veterans. He claims in his lawsuit that the way Moore used the film clip in "Fahrenheit 9/11" - Moore's scathing 2004 documentary criticizing the Bush administration and the war in Iraq - makes him appear to "voice a complaint about the war effort" when he was actually complaining about "the excruciating type of pain" that comes with the injury he suffered.

In the movie, Damon is shown lying on a gurney, with his wounds bandaged. He says he feels likes he's "being crushed in a vise."

"But they (the painkillers) do a lot to help it," he says. "And they take a lot of the edge off of it."

Damon is shown shortly after U.S. Rep. Jim McDermott, D-Wash., is speaking about the Bush administration and says, "You know, they say they're not leaving any veterans behind, but they're leaving all kinds of veterans behind."

Damon contends that Moore's positioning of the clip just after the congressman's comments makes him appear as if he feels like he was "left behind" by the Bush administration and the military.

In his lawsuit, Damon says he "agrees with and supports the President and the United States' war effort, and he was not left behind."

He said that, while at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center recovering from his wounds, he had surgery and physical therapy, learned to use prosthetics and live independently. He also said that Homes For Our Troops, a not-for-profit group, built him a house with handicapped accessibility.

"The work creates a substantially fictionalized and falsified implication as a wounded serviceman who was left behind when Plaintiff was not left behind but supported, financially and emotionally, by the active assistance of the President, the United States and his family, friends, acquaintances and community," Damon says in his lawsuit.

Moore did not immediately return calls seeking comment Wednesday. A message was left for Moore at a personal number in New York and with HarperCollins, publisher of Moore's 2002 book, "Stupid White Men...And Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation!"

A spokesman for Miramax Film Corp., also named as a defendant, did not immediately return a call.

Damon did not immediately respond to a request for an interview.

"It's upsetting to him because he's lived his life supportive of his government, he's been a patriot, he's been a soldier, and he's now being portrayed in a movie that is the antithesis of all of that," Damon's lawyer, Dennis Lynch, said.

Damon is seeking $75 million in damages for emotional distress and loss of reputation. His wife is suing for an additional $10 million in damages because of the mental distress caused to her husband, Lynch said.

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable." "I can understand that." replies her husband, "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, no more country club and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. "Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress." says her husband. The wife replies, "Ours is prettier."

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16 oz can of Miller Lite

The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're really ugly."

A little known fact about Quasimodo is that he didn't have arms but used to whack his head against the bells to ring them. One day he was up his bell tower and whacked his head as usual but overbalanced and fell to his death. Anyway a crowd gathered. First peasant, "Who's this guy?" Second peasant, "I'm not sure who he is, but his face rings a bell." So then Quasimodo's brother runs to the top of the bell tower pulls the bell rope and hangs on when he should have let go. He flew out of the bell tower and landed in a bloody heap beside Quasimodo. First peasant, "So who the heck is this guy?" Second peasant, "I don't know his name but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

(Two months after she smacked a cop with her fist, the grand jury hasn't been heard from. You try that sometime and let me know how it works out for you. From your cell. If they're going to no-bill her, fine...let's get it over with. If they're going to charge her, which every right thinking bone in my body screams they should do, let's move forward with the race-baiting politics. Not doing anything is the worst action of all.)

We Got Headline News, Southren Style

Woman Hit By Lightning While Praying...DAPHNE, Ala. -- Worried about the safety of her family during a stormy Memorial Day trip to the beach, Clara Jean Brown stood in her kitchen and prayed for their safe return as a strong thunderstorm rumbled through Baldwin County, Alabama. She said 'Amen' and the room was engulfed in a huge ball of fire.

Wife Of Teenaged Groom Pleads Guilty...DOUGLAS COUNTY -- Lisa Clark’s two older sons were in court today to hear their mother sentenced to more time in jail. Thirty-seven-year-old Lisa Clark pleaded guilty on charges she helped her teenage husband -- the father of her child -- escape from state custody. Clark’s attorney, Alison Frutoz, insists Clark is not guilty of any of the things of which she was accused saying, “She is a simple, normal person.” Clark admitted to a sexual relationship with, a then, 14-year-old boy, whom she married after becoming pregnant with the teen’s son.

Man Arrested On 3,600 Child Porn Charges...HALL COUNTY -- A Hall County man is in jail on 3,600 child pornography charges.

This is a demonstration of resuscitation techniques as devised by the French. They may not care much for Americans but their medical procedures seem to bring back life where there was none before.

This is NSFW nor for the faint of heart. Don't clickie the linkie if you aren't grown up.