Saturday, January 21, 2006
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over €1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject as they were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost in excess of €2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Ireland decided to conduct their own study. The Irish didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around €75.00 ( 3 bottles of whiskey), the Irish study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your fist from slipping off and hitting you in the forehead!
Friday, January 20, 2006
An old man goes for a checkup at the doctor's. The doctor runs the tests then sits the old man down. "I'm very sorry," he says. "I've got a couple of bits of bad news to impart. Firstly, you have cancer." The old man is shocked and a tear wells up in his eye. The doctor waits for a minute for the news to sink in and then carries on, "And you are also showing early stages of Alzheimers disease. I'm really, very sorry." The old man sits in silence for a little while longer, head hung down. Finally he looks up and puts a brave smile on his face. "I suppose it could be worse," he says. "I could have cancer."
A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."
Two Texas cowboys were out on the range talking about their favorite lovemaking positions. The first cowboy said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I've ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Wow, these feel just like your sister's tits.' "
Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while though, he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Dave, you're a vet..."